The Question Not Asked, On Interviewing Your Parents and Grandparents

 I have read many articles about how to interview parents and grandparents.  None of them seem to pertain to me for some reason.  I think many of the questions have already been asked and documented.  What was your favorite subject in school?  I come from a long line of artists in the family.  My 2 1/2 year old grand daughter is already fully aware of this.  I want to get to the real important questions.

Most of our youth today are not all that interested in WW2 history or any history for that matter.  When I was young I would light up and listen intently when my parents would talk about the past and their unique stories.  Electronics have taken over and we all forget to look up, look around and just be with people.  The young parents of our day in my opinion need to be more interested in the past. My mother has always said, “If only I had asked my mother these questions when she was alive.”  I think this means that I am asking questions.

I heard this from both my Aunts as well many times before they died.  They all forgot to ask my grandmother anything about her past.  I felt their guilt.  I forgot to ask my grandmother questions too.  My mother is 85 years of age and I struggle to find time to just sit with her for an interview. Am I asking the questions that need to be asked?  What are the right questions?  God willing I will be asking the right ones before it is too late!  I worry about these things.

My parents were both fairly open with us and I grew up listening to the stories of their early life.  My dad was a great storyteller.  He really had a sense of humor about it all.  He is gone now and we all miss him dearly but every now and then someone will tell one of his stories and we all have a good laugh.  I am grateful my mother is still with us.  But how much do I really know her?  

 I watched my older brother register for the draft.  I lived through the protests at Memorial Park in Omaha in the summer of 1971.  I remember for her it was 2 or 3 days of agony not knowing whether he and some of our friends were safe.  Protests were not her thing.  My mother was deeply conflicted.  Her father died during the depression when she was only 2 years old.  She lost her brother who had become her father figure.  The oldest child in the family flight officer Bruce Fleming Jepsen was shot down over China in 1945.  She was 15 years of age.  He was the most talented artist in the family and he was supposed to come home.  As a mother she wanted to move to Canada rather than have her oldest son go to Vietnam.  My mother would have to deny the tempting desire to escape and just as her mother had done before, sacrifice her oldest son for God and Country. 

My mother lived through the great depression and the premature death of her father.  A five-year stay in a home for girls, WW2 and the loss of her only brother.  She raised four children all while managing an art career of her own.  She is the last surviving sibling and a widow.  How did she live through all of this? This is the question that I want to ask my Grandmother now.  If only she could answer.

These questions are not easy.  How do we do this as genealogists, without offending or bringing out tears?  As family members move on with their lives.  I must ask.  I ask the hardest questions.  It is my duty as a genealogist and an historian.  As a daughter, mother and grandmother.  I am the only one who will.  I don’t want heartbreak and sadness but sometimes it is the tears that bring out the best in people and the most memorable, important and historical stories come to life.  I feel that my mother knows this and is mostly willing to share.  There might be times when we have to stop and take a break but in the end we are both happy.  We can feel good that we have contributed to future generations.  Those who are busy living and didn’t think to ask will have plenty of documented history. 

We are easy going and forgive any negligence in questioning family history.  We understand you are busy with making ends meet or just enjoying life.  We are still here for you.  If we have not asked the question you would ask.  We beg you to ask it. My mother is 85 and I am not young anymore.  We are a fun bunch of boomers who also enjoy our smart phones, especially the photos of the grand kids!  We look good, feel good, and are right there with you.  We would love it if some of the time you might be right here with us too. 

In the end there are no right questions.  Any question will do.  Just start the conversation.  We just want to prevent that one day down the road, you may be asking the one and only wrong question,  “If only I had asked my mother these questions when she was still alive!?!”

Teatime at 4.

Of Note:  My Uncle, Flight Officer Bruce F. Jepsen was a volunteer as many of the greatest generation were.  He didn’t have to go because he was responsible for his mother and young sisters.  He became one of the over 291,000 combat casualties.  During the Vietnam War my brother had to register for the draft and many of his generation were not willing to go.  The Vietnam casualties were not on the same scale as WW2 but our friends were either not coming home or coming home wounded.  Each of us had known someone who had died or lost limbs.  Suicide became a huge issue.  I grew up knowing my older brother might have to go.  In 1971 the Vietnam War had been going on for 16 years and my brother was 16 years old.  The boomer generation had become war weary.

Also of Note: My Uncle Bruce F Jepsen's name is inscribed in the WW2 memorial at Memorial Park in Omaha, Ne.  Along with my father's Uncle Jerry Kozlik and my husband's Uncle Gene Goodwin.  Tom Brokaw got it right, they were the greatest generation